


On Blurred Lines

by Sab



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: (Uploaded by Punk), Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-01-23
Updated: 1998-01-23
Packaged: 2017-12-03 20:12:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/702156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sab/pseuds/Sab
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My take on Odo & Kira's "closet conversation" during the wedding. (Uploaded by Punk, from alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Blurred Lines

"You're drunk," he muttered, after she had flopped down on the floor beside Dax's yellow divan.

"You don't know how glad you are for that!" she said, tripping over her words a bit and taking another swig of her orange, frothy drink.

"Hmpf," Odo said. Sitting on the cushion, he pulled his knees up close and faced the wall. His mind raced, seeking excuses, any reason to get out of that tiny closet with the inebriated, reeling, challenging Major. And those eyes, anger smoothed down slightly by the drink but it still burned, sizzled, he could almost hear it. He refused to meet her gaze; fixed his eyes on a spot on the door and stared hard.

"We have to talk. You know that," she said. "I suggest you catch me now while my resistance is down or we might never get past this, Odo. You know what _I_ have to say. It's your turn. Talk."

Odo murmured something unintelligible, knotting his fingers in his lap. He imitated the humanoid throat-clearing "ahem," buying time. She touched his shoulder.

"It's okay," she said. "Just tell me. Tell me the whole story. What's the worst that can happen? I'll kill you. So?" She laughed, snorting a little, her head resting on her shoulder, eyelids drooping.

//The worst that can happen already has...// Odo tensed. //I let you down, Nerys. You have no reason to forgive me.// "You have no reason to forgive me," he said.

"I'll buy that," she said, nodding. "It's a start. But hardly sufficient."

Odo shifted in his seat only slightly, but enough to slip his shoulder out from under Kira's palm. If she noticed his discomfort at her touch she didn't show it, simply stretched her arms, yawned, and curled up on the floor, leaning against the wall.

He began. "Finally, Nerys, something in my life made sense!"

"The great link," she spat the words as if she didn't want them in her mouth anymore, rolling her eyes.

"Don't do that," he said. "Don't trivialize it like that. It means a lot to me, my people's acceptance of me."

"You're right," she said. "I apologize." She sounded genuine. He continued.

"When I...linked...with the other changeling...it was like nothing else mattered. A solid's lifespan is only a fraction of how long my people survive. Wars, alliances, the Cardassians, the Federation..."

"The Bajorans..." Kira put in. Odo ignored her.

"...everything that was going on seemed so trivial! All in a day's work, from the perspective of a changeling. She made me realize that caring about solids would only hurt me, in the long run...I'm going to live on for centuries after you die, after your children die..." He paused. "I don't know how to say this," he said finally. "I don't want to hurt you."

"What, more?" Kira said. "I think you've pretty much covered all the bases in that department." She had sobered up with Olympic quickness, hoisted herself up and was sitting crosslegged on the floor, eyeing Odo, her drink beside her forgotten.

"Yes," Odo said. "Yes, I know. And I'm sorry. But you have to understand...I can't afford to let myself get involved with the issues that affect solids. They have nothing to do with me."

" _I_ have nothing to do with you?!" Kira snapped.

"Please," Odo said. "Let me finish."

"Go ahead," Kira sighed.

"You...all of you...you're nothing more than an interesting learning experience for me. Nothing more than a couple of minutes adventure in a long, long life," he said.

"But...before you linked with her," Kira spat the "her" like a curse, "you didn't feel that way. We were friends, you cared about me, this crew...you _loved_ me, Odo!"

He lowered his eyes, smiled sadly. "I thought I did," he said softly. "I didn't know any better. I didn't know what my life was supposed to be like. She taught me."

Kira dug her nails into her palm. She took a deep breath. "Odo," she said. "I _know_ you don't mean what you're saying. I have to know that. I can't let myself believe that this is really you, speaking to me. You're delusional. You're confused. If I thought you knew what you were talking about, Odo..." she fought tears, "Prophets, I'd be furious. I'd have beaten the shit out of you by now."

Odo touched her arm. "It's me, Nerys. I'm more myself than I've ever been. I feel enlightened, empowered..."

"and empty! And dull, and cruel and emotionless," Kira's voice shook.

"Emotions are messy things," Odo spoke slowly, that patronizing smile playing at the corners of his ice-blue eyes. "Their only purpose is to blur the lines of pure form. Pure, unadulterated form, moving, and being, and acting."

"Emotions are why we're _alive_ , Odo! Our emotions drag us out of bed in the morning to fight one more day for what we love and believe in!" Kira was crouching, now, as if she might pounce on Odo any moment. He leaned back into the wall, blinked several times at the ceiling and sighed.

"Changelings don't feel, we _do_ , we _become_. When I was in the link I was filled with intensity. I trembled before its power. I can't describe it," he said. "I wish I could."

"Intensity! Trembling! Sounds like some messy emotional responses to me," Kira said. "What if you didn't have that? What if there was no more trembling...what if you _were_ just 'pure form'?"

Odo smiled. "Wouldn't that be beautiful..." he mused.

Bile rose in Kira's throat and she tensed, shaking, her head pounding, her ears ringing, her heart splashing against the inside of her ribcage. "No, Odo!" she said, trying to keep her voice steady. "That would be horrible. Lonely and terrifying and miserable."

"For a solid, maybe," Odo agreed. "You rely on your emotions...my people have moved beyond the need for such frivolities."

Kira pulled herself to her feet, paced the small room, gripping her fists. "No, Odo. Uh uh. I don't buy it."

"I'm sorry, Nerys," he said. "It's the truth."

"Then why, _why_ in hell did you save me, finally? If this has nothing to do with you?" She stammered.

After a pause, Odo replied, "I was hoping...we could still be friends."

That was it. Kira crouched beside him. "You were hoping we could still be _friends_??!" She shouted. She slapped him across the face, grabbed his collar, threw him against the wall. " _Friends_ , Odo??!" She smacked him, pushed him shook him furiously, trying to knock free that stubborn hint of a smile that still played across his face. He laughed softly, and she whipped him against the wall one last time and wrested her hand free, leapt to her feet.

"I'm out of here," she said. "I'm not listening to this anymore." She turned away, turned back, sat down beside Odo again, staring him down. //If I walk out that door,// she thought, //this conversation is over. The last real conversation I'll ever have with the best friend I've ever had. I'm not ready to let go, not right now...I won't be the one to turn away.// "No," she said. "We're not done yet. You haven't convinced me, yet. Try again."

Odo gave her a long look. //She's beautiful,// he thought. //She deserves to be happy, even if she can never understand that her life means nothing in the scheme of things.//

"I'm sorry, Nerys," he said. "I don't want to hurt you. I do care about you, but I can't let myself be involved with issues of the solids."

Kira nodded, slid onto the cushion beside Odo.She practiced breathing, forgot to blink. She kept nodding.

"You understand?" Odo asked searchingly.

Kira nodded. "Yeah," she said. "I understand." The moment of hung palpably, something fragile hovering, shimmering, shattered at last when Kira at last let out a pained bark-scream, and smacked herself on the forehead, tearing at her hair. Burying her face in her hands, she collapsed on the floor, pulled herself into a tight ball, biting her lip and shaking uncontrollably. //Damn it, _damn it_!// she thought. //He's the one who's supposed to be in love with _me_ , not the other way around! So he's found a life for himself. That's great. I should be happy for him. Why, why, _why_ is this making me so angry?// She tried to catch her breath, tears streaming down her cheeks. She didn't feel them. //He told me he loved me, and I said no. And I missed my only chance. Damn it. Damn it! Why? WHY?// She pounded a fist against the floor. //If I had said yes...prophets! Why didn't I realize? I have one friend, ONE friend in the galaxy who I could count on, who really cared about me. WHY?//

Odo's smile had faded and he surveyed Kira quizzically. //She's crying,// he thought, absently. //Strange. She rarely does that. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen her cry before. Over me?// That last thought sent a shiver through his frame, the taste of some forgotten memory, and he tried to ignore it. //No,// he commanded himself. //I'm a changeling. She's a solid. I can't care for her.// But there she was, lying there, her tiny, muscled frame shuddering as she gulped air, sobbing. Her hair stuck sweaty to her forehead, and Odo resisted the urge to brush it free, to take her into his arms and hold her, kiss her, tell her it was okay, he loved her, he would take care of her. He looked away.

For no reason, human words leapt to her mind. //'It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. It was the epoch of belief; it was the epoch of incredulity.' It was a beginning, and it was an ending,// she added mentally. She spoke, but her words were lost in gasps for breath as she struggled to stop crying. "What was that?" Odo asked. Kira pulled herself up again, swiped a hand across her eyes.

"Let...let me...catch my breath..." she said, her chest heaving. She shook her head. Moments passed before she spoke again. "I'm better than this," she said. "I'm tired, Odo. I'm tired of this. I can't take this anymore. Let's forget this happened. You found clarity? I'm happy for you. Really." She turned to leave the room.

"Nerys," he called, quietly. "You're the best friend I've ever had. I tell everyone how important you've been to me. I just thought you should know."

She flung a shoe at him, but it missed, bounced off the wall. She snarled. "Shut the fuck up, Odo!" she snapped. "I really, _really_ don't want to hear this now."

He reached out, touched her ankle. His hand trembled. //Not again,// he thought. //She's just going to leave? Just like that?// She kicked his hand free. //Of course she's leaving!// he answered himself. //You expect her to understand, to put up with you any longer? You can't have it all, Odo'Ital. Choose.// He looked up, and for a moment, their eyes met, his blue and searching, hers a warm, damp brown, steeped with pain. But there was a flicker...and Kira looked away. //I can't do it,// he thought, speaking to someone somewhere, some force that had beaten him to the ground and left him bruised and alone. //I can't do this anymore. I can't do this to her.// Silence answered him, the cold dark vast of space, the emotionless gold of the great link, lightyears away. //I can't do this to me. She's better than any of you, better than you'll ever be.//

She was leaning against the door, her head buried in the crook of her elbow. He stood, slipped an arm around her waist and felt her tense, felt the anger surge inside her.

"I can't lose you, Nerys," he said, his voice shaking. "I tried so hard to tell myself I could be like them, like the other changelings, strong and clean and perfect..." he managed a weak laugh. "I've been with you messy solids for too long. I can't break free of these emotions, and, right now, I don't want to. I love you, Nerys. I always have, I always will. Please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She turned around, slowly, fell into his embrace, burying her face in the hollow of his neck. "I know, Odo," she said.

"It's hard for me...you'll have to put up with me, my craziness...I'm an emotional cripple, Nerys. It's a big responsibility. You don't want me."

She smiled, tears snaking damp trails on Odo's shoulder. "I accept," she said. "I'll take it. I love you, Odo. I do."

"I know," he said. He wrapped his arms around her more tightly, buried his nose in her hair and held her to him, skin against skin, bodies shaking wet and warm. Love.

He held her until she thought her ribs would crack, and she slid a hand between their chests, pushed him away gently and blinked up at his smooth, slender face. She stroked his cheek with a finger, raked her hand through his home-made hair. He smiled, his eyes glinted, full of tenderness and passion. She pulled his face toward hers and kissed him, lightly at first, then hungrily, holding his body to hers as if afraid he'd disappear if she let go. And he kissed her back, tracing the contours of her wide mouth with his tongue, enjoying the taste of her, the feel of her. They slid awkwardly to the divan and she gripped his hand, kissing him, tears streaming from her eyes. "Just hold me," she said, snuggling into the crook of his arm and resting her head on his shoulder. She kicked off her boots.

"I won't let go," he said. "Not again."

They shared a smile.

"You're not forgiven," Kira said a moment later, her face steeling. Odo nodded.

"I wouldn't expect to be. In fact, if you forgave me, you wouldn't be the woman I've been in love with for so long. But...you do understand?"

She paused. "Objectively, yes. It must have been wonderful for you to finally feel accepted by your people, and I understand that, after being alone out here for so long, you needed that. But allowing that to interfere with your responsibilities to us, allowing your personal _comfort_ to take precedence over Rom's life...!" She stopped. "I don't want to think about it anymore."

"And I was so wrong, and I am so, so incredibly sorry, Nerys..." Odo overlapped her.

"I know," she said. "It's over. Just....hold me."

Odo smiled, kissed her on the forehead, pulling her lithe frame closer to his own. She purred, painted ribbons across his chest with her fingertips. He gripped her hand, pulled it to his lips. She pressed her body even closer to his, slid a hand up his thigh, her gaze never wavering from his eyes.

"Yes, Nerys," he whispered.

"Really?" she said.

"I think so," he said. She nodded, kissed him, stroked his cheek, unfastening the top of her dress uniform and letting it peel away with her free hand. She wriggled her arm free and say before him in her sheer undertunic, searching his face. "Please," he said, sounding as if he hadn't meant to say it aloud. "Oh, what was I thinking...?"

He reached out a trembling hand, allowed it to cup Kira's breast. Ripples of electricity pulsed through his body, and he pulled back, looked at his hand as if unconvinced that it was really his. Kira smiled, took his hand, placed it back on her breast. Odo groaned with pleasure and shock.

"Can you...not be wearing your uniform?" she asked. Odo shimmered a moment and complied, and Kira took in his smooth, naked, Bajoranoid figure.

"You don't know how long I've..." he began, his voice cracking. He closed his eyes, his hands exploring Kira's body, sliding under the thin fabric of her tunic and lifting it gently over her head. Biting his lip, he allowed himself a long, hard stare at her topless figure, the round, sturdy shapes of her small breasts casting half-moon shadows on the pink-brown skin of her ribcage, her tapering waist, the flat, firm mound of stomach. He slid his hand down her side, played with the button on the back of her dress trousers, finally unfastening it. //Tomorrow I will not believe this really happened,// he thought. //I don't believe it now. Prophets, she is exquisite. What the _hell_ was I thinking?//

Kira bit off this last thought with a powerful kiss, the tips of her nipples brushing against Odo's chest as she leaned in. She slipped her hands around his back and pulled him closer to her, kicking off her trousers in the process. Odo freed them from her feet and tossed them to the floor, returning the kiss, his hands chasing one another across the uncharted territory of Kira's body.

"How do...your people do this?" Kira whispered.

"I'll show you," Odo said. "I'll try, anyway."

He brushed a thumb across her nipple, feeling it shudder erect. He stilled it with his finger, kept his hand there as he watched Kira squirm with pleasure and frustration. Gently, ever so gently he increased the pressure, allowed his thumb to flatten and soften. He pressed harder and entered her pores, tendrils of changeling-fluid dancing behind her aureolas. Kira moaned, astonished. Odo slid his other hand to Kira's waist and she twitched, gasped.

"This is...?" she managed.

"An approximation of the link, yes," Odo said.

"Is it pleasurable for you, too?" Kira asked.

"Oh, Nerys, Nerys, you have no idea..." Odo said.

Kira grinned, arching her back. "I have _some_ idea..."

Odo smiled back and allowed his hand to stroke her inner thigh, the soft tops of her labia. She shuddered and tensed. "Please..." she said. Odo nodded.

He parted her labia with one exploring finger, allowed his hand to pour inside, fill the crevices and valleys. A waterfall of changeling slipped over her clitoris, and she gasped, thrashing from side to side and grinning, her eyes closed. Odo's "hand" slid inside her, filled her, stimulated her from the inside and outside at once. He danced and tickled and thrust and stroked simultaneously, and Kira gripped his body, digging her nails into his back and biting his shoulder, moaning.

"No wonder you liked this..." she managed between gasps.

"The link was nothing compared to what we're doing right now," Odo said, somewhat breathlessly. Kira noticed that his eyes were closed, and he seemed to be struggling to maintain his humanoid shape.

"It's okay..." she said. "You can..."

"You don't mind?" Odo seemed a little embarrased.

"I'd love it," Kira smiled. Nodding, Odo allowed himself to melt, envelop Kira in a mesh of shimmering gold fluid matter. She writhed and gasped as he filled her and held her. She was inside him and he was inside her, he was everywhere, all at once, her skin screamed, her muscles clenched, her mind lost focus in the moment.

"Oh, Odo..." she said, knowing he couldn't hear her. As waves of changeling crashed around her, she let herself go, and climaxed again and again, collapsing finally into a pool of warm Odo.

Several moments later she felt him move, grow, return to his Bajoranoid form, smiling broadly. She kissed him on the temple, stroked his hair.

"Thank you," she said.

"I was about to say the same thing," he said.

Kira smiled, sighed, bit Odo's shoulder again gently. //If I'm going to regret this, let me regret it later. Because now, it feels nothing could be better than this. Odo is my best friend. He could be the love of my life. And he's back...prophets! He's back...//

And hours passed, night gave way to morning and they sat, talking and touching and laughing and loving, losing track of time and place, not caring about anything but the boundless mystery and long-shared history of one another.


End file.
